Does my husband appreciate me?
Ten questions, two minutes. Not about whether he loves you. About how much of what you do actually reaches him. Nothing is saved, and nobody asks for your email.
1 of 10
When you have done something that took real effort, a full day of errands or the thing with the school, does he say something about it without being told?
Nothing here is saved or sent anywhere. Close the tab and it is gone. Written for “husband” because that is how people ask it; the questions are the same for any partner.
What this measures, and what it doesn’t
Every quiz on this question asks whether he loves you, and then asks for your email before it tells you. Ten questions cannot know whether somebody loves you. They can measure something smaller and more useful: visibility. How much of what you do reaches him at all.
That distinction is the whole quiz. A man who does not care is rare, and no quiz can find him. A man who does not see is common, because most of what runs a home is done before anyone could see it: the milk that did not run out, the dentist moved to Thursday, the birthday card that arrived on time. He notices the day of errands and the illness. The rest looks like the house running itself.
So the questions ask about the moments where seeing shows: whether he knows who made the appointment, whether the house kept running while you were sick and kept running after, whether his thanks is for something specific or for “everything”. And one of them asks about you, because telling him, specifically, is a channel, and most people in this situation have closed it without noticing.
The three readings
There is no number at the end, on purpose. A quiz that ends “fourteen out of twenty” has handed you a grade for your husband, and a grade is the thing nobody wins. Instead there are three readings, and the middle one is where most people land.
Most of it reaches him.
He sees the big things and most of the small ones, and he says so in specifics. That is rarer than it sounds.
He sees the big things. The small ones don't reach him.
The day of errands, the illness, the crisis: he notices those, and he is grateful. The dentist moved to Thursday and the milk that did not run out, he does not, because nothing about them looks like anything happened.
Most of what you do never reaches him.
You do a great deal, and almost none of it is visible to him. Before you read that as a verdict on him, notice the last question, the one about you: whether you tell him, specifically, what you did. Most people with this result don't, because it feels like keeping score.
The ten questions
Written for “husband” because that is how people ask it. If your partner is a woman, or you are the husband, swap the pronoun and nothing else changes.
- When you have done something that took real effort, a full day of errands or the thing with the school, does he say something about it without being told?
- Does he know what is for dinner before it is in front of him?
- Think of the last appointment made for somebody in your family. Does he know who made it?
- When you are sick for a few days, what happens to the house?
- When he thanks you, what is it for?
- When you say you are tired, what happens next?
- If you quietly stopped doing one invisible thing this week, his mother's birthday card or the permission slip, when would he notice?
- When he takes on something with the kids or the house, which sentence does he use?
- Does he ask how your day was, and wait for the answer?
- How often do you tell him, in one specific sentence, what you did today?
The questions people ask next
Is this quiz accurate?
It is ten questions about one thing: how much of what you do reaches him. It cannot see whether he loves you, and it does not try. What it can tell you is whether the problem in front of you is a partner who does not care, which is rare, or a partner who does not see, which is common and can be fixed.
Do you keep my answers?
No. Nothing leaves your browser, nothing is stored in it, and there is no email box at the end. Close the tab and the quiz is gone.
What if I got the lowest result?
Read it as "he does not see" before you read it as "he does not care". Then notice the last question, which is about you. Most people with that result have never told him, in one specific sentence, what they did today, because it feels like keeping score. It is not. It is the one channel that is entirely yours to open.
My partner is a woman, or I am the husband. Does it still work?
The questions are the same. Swap the pronoun. The work does not care who carries it, and neither does the reading.
The longer version of all of this is I feel like a maid in my own home, and the practical one is the invisible labor list, a sheet you print and fill in together.
If the reading was the middle one.
He sees the big things. The app is how the small ones reach him: one tap when you do it, a thanks from him, and the week looked at together on Sunday. The first two weeks are free, no card.
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